31 July 2011

Past 2 days got conference... It has been a real blast! God really filled me with His presence and reminded me of His love for me :D

I came to this conference with 2 objectives:
1 - to get assurance for my call for leading an LG again.
2 - get direction for my relationship

The first objective is kind of childish on the hindsight. God has given me the prophecy that i will lead people in my first bday with my lg in Hope Church, and i have rised up and stepped down twice already. Both experience has its own share of good and bad, memories that are kept and those that i wished to forget, but God has been very faithful to me. He still calls me by His purpose even when i failed and disappointed Him countless times..

And now the challenge is back! And again assurance has come! During the Kairos night (few hours ago), God assured me with 3 things.

One, in order to enter this new venture, i have to surrender to Him my life, my sins and everything that i do.

Two, God promised that He will help me, may it be in skills or knowledge or wisdom, He will speak and anoint me with what i need and what i lacked. I always have fear to lead again because i have had bad experience and failures, but His words reassure me that He will be my provider.

Three, He promised that no matter what i go through, He will be with me.

Thank you Lord for your assurance, and your grace and favour that calls me back to your purpose again, even when i failed you so many times and i am an undeserving servant who relies on your grace.

My second objective was regarding my relationship. Things are not going well and there are so many uncertainties. We cant even have a fixed date to go out and spend time, but what hurts me the most was when she said that this relationship wasnt her priority. I wanted to believe (and still do) that she said it out of emotional outpouring and not from her heart, yet one side of me just keep insisting that since she said it, it must have represented something in her heart...

But anyways, i am still trusting God for this relationship. Whether it turns out well or not, it is up to His will and purpose for us, but i definitely hope that He will bless us with great love and a lasting, joyful union. Despite what she says that hurts me, i still loved her very very much, and i dont want to give up on this relationship unless it really cant last.

God, please help me with my relationship. You know that both of us need You, and Lord we really need you to help us to reconcile our differences and help us to find time for one another. Increase our depth of love for one another and treat one another with grace and forgiveness, for we will fail one another sometimes. Please let your purpose and will be done in this relationship.

I put my trust in You. Amen.