I had a dream, that i see myself in a murder case in a family, whereby the unknown killer just kills off each and every single member in a progressive manner and i could not do anything to help the situation.
That's exactly the feeling i have right now, so hopeless, so helpless in what i am struggling through. And i cant even find anyone to share this to, because ppl in church are always 'holy and righteous', they can only advised and expect me to follow what they tell me, about commitment, about love. Yet, to me sometimes things just dont work this way. Its not true that the grass is greener on the other side, NOR is it true that the grass is greener where you water it. If the soil that is on the ground sucks, you are still eventually screwed out of your efforts and time invested in watering it.
I dont know if i should continue to invest in this. A lot of factors just give me the impression that she doesnt really care nor understand my needs for time. I will definitely be casted a villian to break my commitments, but sometimes i just feel that the struggle is too much for me to bear.
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